1.Being able to change all the celebrity names on the promotional movie posters.

Ie, in the next Matt Damon movie the lead character would be known as “MacFairy Nipple Nose PooperFoot.” I wouldn’t tell anyone I just want to sit back and watch the PR people scratch their heads.

2. To control everyone’s left foot while they’re sitting down. 

I don’t want to hurt people so if a person is running, walking, dancing or doing capoeira I wouldn’t want to be the dick that makes them take a tumble and hurt themselves. But while a person is sitting down I want to be able to control their left foot. Imagine in business meetings or first dates how much fun you could have making a person touch the other person’s inner calf without realising they’re doing it.

3. To create temporary speech impediments for politicians while making semi-important speeches.

Not for when they’re addressing a serious topic like child labour or equal rights, but when a politicians is doing one of those mandatory speeches regarding the subjects nobody actually cares about, like for example salaries for politicians I would love to be able to make them start whistling when they take a breath or make them sing every seventh word in a Disney style vocalisation.

4. Control the itch.

This would be a perfect one. We all know that one person who just seems to be too confident, too assured, too successful and because they’re just too likeable we want to cause them harm, not serious harm, just an irritation. I would love to be able to control when they get that itch on their instep that we sometimes get and you can’t get rid of without stopping, sitting down, taking off your shoe and sock and giving it a good scratch or even better!- the bum itch. When celebrities are on the red carpet I want to be able to get them to get a bum itch and to see how many of them do the “Itchy Bum Walk.”

5. Temporarily make people immune to onions.

Imagine it, I’d make it so that someone when at home can cut as many onions as they like without crying. By making them immune when they’re alone they could wash their faces with onion bits and not shed a single solitary tear. But the moment they have company, wham they’d be balling like  a baby and nobody will believe them. Then when they’re alone again, boom, immunity.



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